Sometimes I feel like I hate change because my life is really good at times. When your life is happy and things are good, you don’t need anything to change. When life stinks, then I want change. Then I’m ready for change to happen.
That’s why I dislike graduation. I dislike seeing all these friends that I love leave my life, some for forever.
Perhaps it’s fear that this will be the highlight of my life. I know it’s not, of course, but fear is never rational. What if these students I had during student teaching were the best I’ll ever have? (Which really, they probably will be) What if college is the best community I’ll ever have? What if Columbia has the best sunsets I’ll ever see? No wonder as exciting as graduations are, I sort of hate them.
This has been my thinking the past week.
Enter Psalm 27.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?”
“I am confident of this; that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
If my life is hid with Christ on high, if I am known by Him, if Christ is in me, if I have access to the throne of grace, then I can have confidence, not fear. My confidence is not that somehow life will hand me something better than these good things. My confidence is not that I’ll have better students, or better community, or better sunsets. My confidence is that no matter what lies ahead, God is good to me, and his heart for me is good.