Insufficient

I often reach points in the day where I am insufficient.
A student will say something and I have no idea what to say in response.
I will watch a student walk into the classroom, know that they have some invisible hurt that no one else will notice, watch them walk out of the classroom and feel helpless as I haven’t done a thing to help.
I see these students ready to go on an adventure more crazy than any they’ve ever been on before and know that I can’t possibly tell them everything they need to know.
I am insufficient.

Sometimes I stand in front of first hour when the boys are doing everything but paying attention and I am reminded of my insufficiency.
Sometimes I stand in front of second hour when they are silently listening to what I’m saying, not really engaged, and I am reminded of my insufficiency.
Sometimes I stand in front of seventh hour when no matter how many times I say to be quiet they’re still talking and I am reminded of my insufficiency.
Sometimes I stand in front of eighth hour and wish that I had a great lesson to teach these students who will absorb even the crappy ones and I am reminded of my insufficiency.

And yet, the truth I spoke to my students today is the truth I cling to – I don’t find my identity in the midst of insufficiency. I find my identity in the beautiful truth of HOLY and DEARLY LOVED (Col. 3:12). Even in insufficiency, I am HOLY and DEARLY LOVED. I am HIS, and this is what matters.

Sometimes during the day, when I feel insufficient, this quote comes to mind:
“I am not sufficient but Christ, You are.” -Dr. Sinclair Ferguson.
I am not sufficient. But He is. He is enough for me today. He is enough for me tomorrow. He is enough for me always.
Amen and amen.

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